Dear inner peace,
Living, not just existing is one of my humble goals. I have learned that death will come soon enough. Hence, it’s necessary to feel tenacious and to measure myself at least once in this short life of mine. I believe that doing so will revive my senses, which have been numbed. Although I have been around for a little over three decades, I have no idea how to accomplish this goal. Nonetheless, I am giving it my best, seeing that it’s all that I can do.
On occasions, I do reach out and try to grab the life I want. Despite the fact that I have no triumphs to show for so far, I do believe that I’m here to grow and that my soul needs to gain more strength. Lately, I sense that my shadow days are, more or less, coming to an end. Even though, I didn’t manage to get all my ducks in a row just yet.
The society I live in deviously coerced my desires into a well-calculated direction. It provided me with inexact ideas, illusions and desires that would throw anyone off balance. It derailed me 12 years ago, when I first got out there, into the real world. Coming out of high school I had no idea how to live my life nor how I could avoid becoming one of the sheep, participating in the most elaborate scheme of them all. An outline where the masses are enslaved by a few. Too blind to realize that they are a slave to money, thus to the few who own all the riches. This my dearest is why we are so far apart at the time being. The reason some of my ducks went AWOL and others are aloof.
Driven by society’s mechanisms, I used to feel incompetent. Advertisements made me feel inadequate, “Pursue your dreams! Follow your passions! Shape your reality and be the creator of your happiness! Get that abs you’ve always wanted!” While mapping the indoctrination process that subdued my mind, I caught myself chasing illusions. I was shadowing ambitions that should not have been pursued at all. Now that I am slowly waking up, I wonder how many people are thinking for themselves. How many are just adopting the dreams, passions and realities that are portrayed as ‘divine’ by cunning pushers.
Many shrewd instruments control us. They plant a particular hallucination based on fear in our hacked craniums. “Make sure you will not be left out. Buy a new Audi. Make sure not one person mocks you. Use these steroids and go to the gym. Ensure that you get cracking on a career and become a cash cow. Suck up to your boss who doesn’t know the first thing about the job you’re doing. Buy that watch you don’t need. Make sure you’re not missing out on the activities going on within your vicinity and stay up-to-date about your friend’s lives. Buy that overpriced smartphone that disconnects you from your peers and download as many apps as possible. Don’t stand out too much because your thoughts won’t suffice, you are too dumb and not unique at all. Go out buy an abundance of liquor, get plastered with a bunch of people during the weekend before you return to your workhorse routine on Monday. Try to acquire security in this lifetime. Buy that expensive house. Create a debt you don’t actually need, thinking it will safeguard the ones you love. Don’t die a virgin.”
Countless people on this starving planet are purchasing so many goods they don’t actually need. All of them inspired by the abundance of commercials presented to them. I accuse the sly marketing organizations of orchestrating our destructive materialistic addictions. These so called peaceful whores of consumption discursively embody all the devastation and destruction we see throughout our life. When you give it some thought, you’ll realize that when something needs to be advertised chances are you don’t need it. I know that there’s more to it. But the truth is that we are all being modeled into meek and clueless consumers. Why are these pushers employed? Is it to boost sales and to attract more money? Are they conspiring to spread more IKEA furniture across this spherical rock? Is it to increase the sales of designer shoes? Are they hired to sell more expensive cars to park in our garages? Or should we consider all of the above? I am not omniscient, but I do understand that we are no longer aware of the direct repercussions caused by our purchases.
I didn’t see the sweatshop when I bought my last pair of all-stars or my designer jeans. I didn’t see the toxic electronic dumps in Africa when I got rid of my laptop, which worked just fine just, so that I could replace it by a newer variety. Neither did I see the people or the animals, suffering from the illicit behavior of immense oil companies, when I filled up my car with gasoline. I used to be blind. Thus, I admit that I still own products that have contributed to the systematic devastation, which I’ve described above. But I’m not the man I used to be. I am alert now, and I do want to change my ways.
I didn’t mean to cause suffering to others, and I’m sure the majority of people out there has no intention to cause harm to anyone else out there either. While I was playing by the rules of our ‘civilized world’ I was doing just that, and the same probably goes for you as well. The separation between me and those who suffered was enabled by this tool that is known as money. The current form of this instrument has been sculpted by a fundamentally flawed system. Even after the wretchedness everyone had to endure the past years, we still hold on to capitalism. A system that requires infinite growth on a finite planet. My common sense tells me that this is idiocy in its purest form. Then again I cannot offer a substantial solution. All I can do is hope that people will become conscious of the implications their consumerist behavior. Life is good, and I believe in humanity, so I do hope peace will be found in our minds during these troubled times.
My darling, I could carry on, but it won’t bring me closer to you. I have discovered that all of the above feeds our biggest anxiety: a lonely existence that leads to a lonely death. I want to scream out loud. Frustration kicks in while my fingers gently slide over this keyboard to type these words. I have come to grips with the fact that we do die alone and that we won’t leave anything behind that will survive more than two generations.
I try hard to have you near, but I am currently too distracted by all that is wrong with the world these days. The resource wars, the environmental destruction, the intolerance towards our fellow man, the factory farms, global selfishness, the sweatshop labor and other devastating matters all seem to have a common ground. I assume that they all have the identical cause, which is none other than greed. In many ways, our modern day ‘economy’ is the equivalent of religion during the middle ages. It serves as an excuse and rationalizes the dominant social systems and hierarchies.
Why was I too blind to see? All of that can be described into detail. But I honestly believe that the mainstream media had me hypnotized. I was sold a paradigm that conflicted with my ideal, and I bought it. For a while at least. I miss you my dearest inner peace. We can never be together until I start becoming the change that I want to see in the world. So I will keep looking for myself out there, working on getting reunited with you. Humbly I make this promise: you will be loved from the moment you knock on my door.
Passionately craving your presence,
Your stubborn traveler, who realizes that Heaven is overrated.